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10 Tech Clues to Uncovering a Cheating Spouse

by on December 10, 2009
in Family and Parenting, Home Safety & Security, Tips & How-Tos :: 42 comments

Relationship problemsYou can’t turn on the news or open a newspaper without seeing a story about Tiger Woods’s family issues—along with salacious text messages and voicemails that he supposedly sent to his alleged mistresses. And Tiger is not alone. There have been many high-profile divorce cases and scandals that came to light through damning evidence generated by or stored on personal tech devices.

Of course, infidelity is not limited to celebrities, sports stars and politicians. According to a report in the New York Times in 2008, the General Social Survey conducted by the University of Chicago shows that 10 percent of spouses—12 percent of men and 7 percent of women—admit to having cheated just within the past year.

Anyone dubious of their spouse's faithfulness should be aware that the technology gadgets they use every day may harbor information on what they’ve been up to. Before crawling through their personal information, we advise consulting an attorney to ensure any electronic-eavesdropping or hacking laws aren't violated—if things get ugly, you don’t want that hanging over your head. And, of course, be prepared to deal with the fallout should your spouse catch you snooping. It goes without saying that following these tips demonstrates a breach of trust between married partners, something that should not be undertaken lightly.

The 10 tech clues to infidelity:

1. Look at the incoming and outgoing calls on your spouse's cell phone.

Are there numerous calls to numbers you don’t recognize, especially at odd hours of the day or night? You can often deterine who owns a particular landline number simply by entering the number into Google search.

2. Check your spouse's cell phone's address book for names you don’t recognize.

Chances are your spouse won’t take the risk of entering the full name of the person he or she is cheating with, so look for numbers that are identified merely with initials or a first name.

3. Check the text messages and email on your spouse's cell phone.

Text messages and emails are the modern means of sending love letters, and your spouse may have kept them on their phone for ongoing enjoyment.

4. Check your spouse's voicemail messages.

Perhaps your spouse chose to save a couple of the steamy ones for later playback.

5. Look for a second cell phone or SIM card.

If your spouse is clever, he or she will be using a second cell phone—or just a second SIM card—-for communicating with their lover. Your spouse may also have been smart enough to purchase a pre-paid phone or SIM, so nothing will appear on your credit-card bills. However, people slip up occasionally. If your spouse calls you from a cell phone number you don’t recognize, that may be cause for suspicion. Try calling the other number when your spouse is home and see how they react. If you happen to find an extra SIM card, stick it in a phone and see what phone numbers are stored on it.

6. Check your spouse’s computer for any incriminating email messages.

Be sure to check the "deleted items" or "trash" folder. People frequently let their discarded emails linger for weeks before they're permanently erased. It’s also possible that your spouse may have a special email address you don’t know about for “private” communications.

7. Check your spouse's computer's browser history.

Is your spouse planning a business trip to Cleveland while browsing hotels in Las Vegas? This is where the browser history can help you out.

Also, the browser history may reveal whether they're visiting email sites (e.g., Gmail, Hotmail) where you might not have known they had an account. Did you get an email from them using the “wrong” email account? If you don’t know your spouse’s login info, most browsers give you the option of storing usernames and passwords, and it’s possible their information was saved.

8. Go online to check your spouse’s frequent- flier account.

Did they purchase an extra ticket with miles? Or are there frequent-flier miles for a trip to Las Vegas when they were supposed to be in Cleveland? It’s amazing that people are dumb enough to try to get miles when they are supposed to be covering their tracks—but they are. You may be able to log in to your spouse's account online if their login info is stored in the browser or password bank, otherwise check their email for their monthly statement.

9. Go online to check your spouse's toll pass history.

If you use E-ZPass or another toll payment system in your cars, check the online statement. Is there unusual activity showing your spouse driving on the New Jersey Turnpike when they’re supposed to be at work in Westchester?

10. Check the previous destinations in your spouse’s navigation system.

Practically every automotive nav system, both built-in and portable, has a list of previous destinations. If the No-Tell Motel is on there and your spouse doesn’t work in the hospitality business, that’s a sign something may be up.

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Discussion loading

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From K on December 11, 2009 :: 8:37 pm

...and if you’re prepared to go through all these, end it anyway. You clearly don’t trust him, and you’re only going to make his life hell even if he’s doing nothing wrong. He’s better off without you.

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assuming

From Angela Miller on April 28, 2011 :: 1:52 pm

You are assuming that the suspicious spouse is a female. Don’t forget that recent polls show 12% of men have cheated in the past year while 7% of women cheated. Seems it could be a male suspicious of his wife.

Either way I agree, without trust what is there in the relationship? What happened to cause a loss of trust in the relationship?

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I agree. No trust =

From M on June 21, 2011 :: 2:24 pm

I agree. No trust = no love

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I agree, why waste the

From N on June 21, 2011 :: 3:39 pm

I agree, why waste the time doing all this following, clearly there is no trust! Why bother. What a waste of time.

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Waste?

From Dean on February 17, 2014 :: 6:19 pm

Its very easy to say its a waste. But keep in mind there are many relationships that begin with great trust and countines like that for years.

So when this changes, and you have so much invested in the relationship, it’s easier said that done to just walk away. In fact, there are many relationships/marragies that do get back on track after the suspicious partner catches them cheating. Many have become even stronger with time.

Just like anything you invest a lot into, its very difficult to walk away without atleast some effort in getting back on track.

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From Dan on December 11, 2009 :: 8:59 pm

here’s a great way to find out:

ASK.

It might even start a conversation. Crazy.

Seriously, any idiot who spies on their idiot spouse is an idiot who deserves his or her idiot spouse.

Once again:

ASK. TALK.

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Right, because of COURSE they

From Katia on March 25, 2011 :: 10:08 am

Right, because of COURSE they would never LIE.  If they were on the up-and-up, they wouldn’t be cheating in the first place, right?

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I agree!

From Lisa on June 21, 2011 :: 3:06 pm

I agree.  Ask.  Talk.

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From Jill on December 12, 2009 :: 2:34 am

You can also turn on ATT and Verizon’s family safe features to us the GPS in each of the phones to track your spouse wherever they go.  That’s what I did and it worked great.  I knew where my husband was at 100% of the time and I would randomly call and ask him where he was at.  If he was lying I’d say that I was nearby and would stop by to say hi.  It’s always fun to make your spouse panic when you think they’re lying!

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I wish I were married to you

From M on June 21, 2011 :: 10:21 am

@Jill
Seriously?!?!?! I mean, when you read your message out loud, you don’t think it makes you sound possesive, paranoid or just plain crazy????
Don’t you have any sense of privacy or respect for your spouse? How would you feel if he did the same? And it’s not a question of whether you are doing something wrong or not, it’s a question of boundaries that every relationship must have!

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Really? That is CREEPY...

From Holy Cow on June 06, 2012 :: 9:00 pm

...so, “you know where he is 100% of the time”.  GREAT.  Did he have the same access on your phone?  Did you let him know you had the GPS, and that you had also installed it on YOUR phone so he could find YOU wherever you went?

If that is the case…then it’s just two tech-y people, or perhaps a wife who did it because she already has a workaround (another phone, GPS spoofer, etc.).  If that’s NOT the case…then you need to just LEAVE.  Seriously!  Either he is a huge cheater and not worth your time, or (possibly) you are a control freak and this poor guy can’t duck into the golf shop (or, God forbid, Zales or Jared for your stupid surprise anniversary gift) while he is supposed to be at work or something.

What a lame excuse for a wife.  Thank God I have a wife who trusts me, who I trust, and both for good reason.  If we couldn’t trust each other, it would SUCK.  Sorry for your suck life smile

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From Matt on December 12, 2009 :: 5:58 am

Wow…This is the primo definition of a crazy significant other. If I found that a girlfriend of mine was snooping this deep into my personals, with out asking, she would be right on the curb…

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From K on December 12, 2009 :: 8:20 am

“It’s always fun to make your spouse panic…”

Yeah, because why would he want to spend an extra half hour in the bar when he could be at home with his crazy, possessive wife? Seriously, he’s not your property, he’s not a child. If you can’t bring yourself to treat him like an independent adult, set him free.

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From JOHNEBRAVO on December 12, 2009 :: 8:43 am

Also watch what apps you have on your iphone, My wife opened up my facebook app while I was in surgery, came out of ICU and she bitched me up and down for talking to a 25 year old college girlfriend about her kids

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Nice!

From Holy Cow on June 06, 2012 :: 9:02 pm

So she waited, basically, until you were helpless and unable to defend yourself, and then went snooping.  NICE.  Have you dumped this woman yet?  Or, if you have a history of cheating, why hasn’t she dumped you?  Either way, crazy behavior.  Snooping your phone while you are in SURGERY, instead of, say, praying for you or waiting for you to get better is just CREEPY.  RUUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!

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From Eric Lewis on December 13, 2009 :: 9:00 pm

Anyone who is this suspicious of their spouse is probably guilty of cheating themselves.

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From Scaffold boards on January 12, 2010 :: 5:03 pm

Her appearance changes. She gets her hair done in a new style. She keeps her nails manicured and her makeup soft. She smells great all the time. She wears soft, pretty dresses instead of severe suits. She takes much better care of herself, from hitting the gym more often to getting facials every week at the salon.

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From Marriage problems on March 05, 2010 :: 1:35 pm

Cheating is as old as the world, we all know that only that today it seems that more than every the cheating is proliferated and in some cases promoted. There are couples that brag about cheating each other. If those people know they’ll be cheating, why do they get married in the first place? What’s the point?

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Before you confront your spouse

From Prank call ideas on July 01, 2010 :: 11:43 am

Before you confront your spouse and accuse them of cheating you need to make sure you have some solid proof. Confirming the odd number or numbers you find can be a big help. You may be able to simply show your spouse the number and get a reaction that makes them admit to their wrong doing. You just have to be ready to accept the results of the confrontation whatever they may be.

Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/catch-a-cheating-spouse-with-their-cell-phone-490194.html#ixzz0sRhjHLN7
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

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How to be a stalker spouse 101

From Meena on March 24, 2011 :: 5:31 pm

I agree with a lot of the other posts: if you’re concerned your spouse is cheating on you, why not ask them point blank? First of all, you can get a lot more information from simple body-language (don’t know what signs to look for? there are countless books on the subject, not to mention numerous magazine articles) than from creeping through their personal phone, files, computers and e-mails. Not to mention that’s the quickest way to break trust. Afraid they’re about to divorce you? You might be upping those odds by snooping through their personal things.

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reality check

From habitsarehardtobreak on April 28, 2011 :: 3:17 pm

It is quickly forgotten the consequences a spouse will pay if cheating is not outed and dealt with. Remember veneral diseases? A spouse has a right to find out about cheating when a cheater can give a death sentence (aids, hpv).
Cheaters are liars to begin with why else would they feel the need to sneak? Remember what the weddings vows say? A person can’t commit adultry and think it is an honest behavior.
And lastly and most importantly when cheated on it is imperative that a game plan be quietly enacted in order to survive(Shore up job skills if needed, close out/pay off joint accts.,update credit report as they are now separate, etc.)

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There's uses for it.

From Diana on May 02, 2011 :: 1:49 pm

By the time you have to look, MOST of the time, the breach of trust has already occurred and the snooper is a victim trying to make sense of things. There are psycho paranoid exceptions of course. In my case, I found it very useful to keep my head on straight to remember what was really going on when he would lie to me about everything… convincingly. Without these messages to turn to for reminders, I could have so easily slipped back into denial. I never told him I looked, or used them as proof of anything other than as a personal tool, to keep focused on what was real rather than the falsehood he presented to me. It helped me be sure of myself and my plans for the future.

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Wow...

From Holy Cow on June 06, 2012 :: 9:04 pm

...you never told him you snooped?  Of COURSE you didn’t.  Coward’s way out.  “A personal tool”?  That is a load of BEEEEE ESSSSSSS!!!

I’m sure you are happier without him, he is certainly happier without you smile

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Not Helpfuls

From BWA on May 02, 2011 :: 3:26 pm

My lying cheating husband uses a passcode to access his phone. The one time I broke it I found the texts telling me that he wasn’t where he said he was and how much they liked this and that, I just loved reading about how I was “drama”.  Too distraught to do anything at that moment, those texts are gone forever.

He is the keeper of the cell phone account, and he won’t put me on to see the details of his phone, who he calls and texts.

I need something to break the code, track the texts, GPS, anything to help me with custody!

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Baltimore

From Doc on May 10, 2011 :: 9:12 pm

My hacking any phone is illegal. And how will that look to the judge when they are deciding who will get the kids…

If I was that suspicious, I would hire an attorney and have them subpoena the records. That way I can be sure I have as much as I’m going to get, legally. And there are definite consequences if s/he is holding back.

I guarantee there are a lot of people out there who can hack an individual phone. I can’t see any significant benefit for anyone in giving it to me just for the asking. And, if I abscond with any cell phone, that is theft and, if it is an expensive phone, probably a felony.

After it hits the cell tower, I am probably talking wire fraud or worse. Do I really want to know what my ex- is doing enough to go to jail for it? No.

On the record, s/je has to play nice. Everything other than that, s/he is free to do or say what s/he wants about/to me. And I to her… So I would make sure that everything between her/him is on the record. I’ll pay an attorney to keep myself out of jail…

I would save myself the grief and get an attorney before I commit a federal crime…

I am not an attorney. Nor do I play one on TV. Infact, I don’t even have a TV. So, I have no way to know what actors playing attorneys act like. The last TV lawyer I saw was Perry Mason. I always wondered how it felt to be ‘Hamilton Berger’ and know all your cases will go out the window because someone confessed to a crime in court. His secretary was hot, though…

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Family Law Attorney

From Julia Henry on June 21, 2011 :: 10:49 am

It would be wise to familarize oneself with the law before attempting any of the above suggestions.  Just google “interception of wireles and electronic communications” to read these laws.

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Paranoia, the destroyer...

From Mott on June 21, 2011 :: 12:57 pm

Paranoia, the destroyer…

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Yeah Talk to them

From adear on June 21, 2011 :: 12:58 pm

So they can be sure to cover their tracks a little better and just hide it from you even longer….. I was suggest nailing them with proof, then talking to them…

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Be careful...

From Loqutus on June 21, 2011 :: 1:31 pm

As a computer guy and student of Internet Law, I would advise against these suggestions. Under the Internet Privacy Act, all of them can be construed as hacking. Accessing someone else’s (even a spouse’s) private information without their knowledge is a felony. Case in point: The January case in Michigan where a husband accessed his wife’s email account because he suspected she was having an affair. He now faces 5 years in jail for cyber-crime.

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How to end you marrige for sure

From The other side on June 21, 2011 :: 1:41 pm

My soon to be Ex wife did a lot of the stuff suggested. One big problem. I wasn’t cheating. When I discovered what she was up to the marrige was pretty much over from that point on. I discovered what she was up to when I found out someone had run a credit check on me without asking for my permission. She didn’t realize it would get flagged. It’s also a crime to do that where we live. That and a few other ill advised activities have been brought up in the divorce procedings. If your thinking about doing any of this crap you better be real sure because either way it’s over.

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An alternative.

From Tim on June 21, 2011 :: 1:52 pm

Swing.

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Don't waste your time.

From Susan on June 21, 2011 :: 2:14 pm

All this fuss because it is the other person’s fault. How about getting a better grip on your own life. If you think there is cheating going on you might be your own worst enemy. I had a spouse who constantly accused me of cheating when if fact it never happened. I got fed up and left with all the being checked up on and being spied on and told I was lying when I couldn’t have been more faithful. That wasn’t love that was fear. Maybe if all that business is going on your life you might realize you are in the wrong relationship or maybe if you are the cheater you shouldn’t be in a relationship until you are grown up enough to develop some mature coping skills. Either way don’t wait get out ASAP.

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Is it snooping when evidence falls in your lap?

From GiGi on June 21, 2011 :: 2:33 pm

Is it still wrong to check the email and phone when evidence of infidelity falls into your lap. When a reciept for an unused plane ticket in the other womans name comes to your house(the billing address of the credit card used.  Like Diana said back on May 2, keep all that stuff to keep your head on straight, don’t be sucked in by the constant lies and think about your future.  Because obviously the cheater wasn’t.

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Family Phone Account

From M-I-L on June 21, 2011 :: 2:41 pm

We, along with our son,daughter and their spouses, all share the same phone account.  My son was concerned.  I printed the text messages (phone numbers only)his wife had been conversing with for him.  Lo and behold - three thousand texts in one month to a male “friend.”  Hard to believe, but she denied it.  It doesn’t take the actual content of the phone calls/texts/emails to know there’s an issue.  It’s about the emotional infidelity that is occurring.  Her mother denied that there was a problem with what she had done when our son presented a ream of paper listing the thousands….hard to believe she’s been married five times also!  Hmm…..

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I do all that

From Lauren on June 21, 2011 :: 3:51 pm

I do all of those things, but my husband has no problem with it. It’s hard to explain, because I trust my husband, but I do have trust issues. He’s very understanding, so he lets me do my thing. I told him the day I stop checking his phone, is the day I don’t care about him anymore. Sounds f*cked up but it works for us smile

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Snooping around

From Been there on June 21, 2011 :: 4:06 pm

I will be the first to admit that I cheated and that my wife also found out while looking over old messages that I forgot to delete.  There was lots of issues and blame that I admitted to over time, but my biggest regret was not coming forward in the beginning after she found out.  I tried to hide it from her which was wrong.  Eventually after TONS of fighting and then counseling we are still together and working on making our marriage stronger than what it was before.  I cannot stress enough how much COMMUNICATION in a relationship is vital to making it work.  Yes I was a cheater, but does that make me a bad person? I don’t believe it does.

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This is the shadiest "relationship"

From Dennis on June 21, 2011 :: 4:23 pm

This is the shadiest “relationship” article I have ever seen… May as well have them tail there significant other every time they leave the house, and while they are at it, plant some CIA style listening devices on his/her person and in the car, office, and gym… Maybe you can even install video cameras at all the local hotels so you can monitor the parking lots for his/her car.

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I had a spouse that

From sgt on July 21, 2011 :: 9:09 am

I had a spouse that tried some of these things, I was not having an affair and she found nothing. but she was still untrusting and that is what ended our marrage. she would check my phone, answer my cell and tell whoever was on the other end to stop f&^% ing her husband and if it was a man she would tell them to have their wife to stop F876ing her husband ECT.ECt and the story goes on. needless to say the marrage ended good ridance

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it happened to me....

From John Smith on September 07, 2011 :: 1:58 am

so, I suspected my wife was cheating with a “friend”/neighbor.  I “Asked” and tried to talk, and was accused of just being a jealous husband.  While I resisted the temptation to scrutinize cell phone and texting overages, I knew what was going on.  So finally, after having enough of watching the lies told to my face by both parties, I told my wife that I needed counseling to help me through my paranoia and suspicions of the affair, that I told her I concocted in my mind.  Shortly thereafter she spilled her guts, told me about everything, the sexting, the daytime visits, etc…  I feel sick to this day, 2 years later.  I love my kids, can’t figure out how not to hurt them - but trust is dead, and I suffer daily (often hourly) trauma as a result.  I blame everything on technology, but I should be smarter than that.  It was bound to happen, the iPhone shouldn’t be to blame, but I’m still jaded - even though it was a matter of simple proximity.  My point, after reading through many comments here, is that you really have no control.  Suspect, and get labeled jealous.  Confront, and you are “smothering”.  Fabricate a story about feeling bad about your suspicions, you get the truth.  messed up, but I hope this helps. 

also, seeing the texting records after the fact doesn’t help you heal - it actually makes it worse.

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Just sayin

From This one girl on September 10, 2012 :: 9:27 am

To all those who say “no trust no love” your living in a dream world. Statistic show that 80% of people have afairs outside their marriage. Sadly, the only person you can trust is yourself because you know what your capable of. But I guess if you wanna live your life saying “I love and trust them, and if I can’t see it, it does’nt exist” that’s all up to you. Personally I’d rather be portrayed as the “crazy” significant other than to be a victim.

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HELLO ALL

From Adeline Letour on November 15, 2012 :: 8:54 am

Hello all,

Many of you ask yourself, what if i had the password of my friend / girlfriend / boyfriend, associate, life partner to know the truth about your near partner, and reassuring that they do not hide you something.

You have the right to be reasured !

For all that are in need of this kind of services We come to your aid, feel free to contact us on our mail for any information, we will be happy to help you
“Owning the information, means having the power “

.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

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2 wrongs don't make it right.

From Brokenhearted on August 31, 2014 :: 12:17 am

I cheated 4 years ago and my husband stayed.i thought if he stayed it was because he truly loved me and he forgave me and in time trust me .here we are 4 year.i wish that we would just part ways.hes the one that has been cheating on me for yrs before I did.it got so bad I swallowed pills last year. Now that I did that he is using that to put me in a mental hospital.hes crazy he hacked my cell my fb my twitter email and he records everywhere I go.i called the cops I thought someone really did hack but the cops come he tells them I’m hearing things and I have a chemical in balance .to make me sound crazy.so over 3 wks now I found out he is sleeping with his hoe bag boss and my have fathered her child.it gets worst he put up sec adult sites and gave out our address so strange drive by and his hoe bag boss is now stalking me and my kids on her day off.i texted her asked her to call she never did then I texted her flat out asked r u sleeping with my man she calls HR tells them I harassed her.really OK so u r that’s y u called HR.so now I can’t call my own husband at work anymore.he denies cheating and hacking my phone oh yah he got a apartment and is lying about it I made a mistake but he started a whole new life and plans to leave but not before he has me medically placed.18 yrs.y is he doing this to me.im scared and no one will help me..

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