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The Biggest Online Dating Red Flags

by Suzanne Kantra on February 11, 2014

happy coupleMore than one third of marriages in the U.S. begin online, according to a 2013 study released by the National Academy of Sciences. And, interestingly, marriages that begin online are less likely to result in separation or divorce, and those that remained married are happier than their offline counterparts. 

But while online dating may be a great way to find your soul mate, you’ll be confronted with thousands of candidates. And, like many other online offerings, the "product" received may not always be what was advertised. So improve your chance of success by keeping an eye out for the following red flags as you sort through potential date’s profiles:

Photos: Photos can tell you a lot about a potential date. No photo, or a grainy, out-of-focus or outdated photo, are a sign that the person probably has something to hide, or else is not really serious about the dating process. But Vondie Lozano, licensed marriage and family therapist, has some other not-so-obvious flags to add to the list.

  • If they have a ton of photos, it could mean they’re a little self-absorbed.
  • Do they have a photo of themselves with another person cut out of it? That’s a huge red flag on so many levels.
  • Is there someone or something else in all of their photos? It’s good to have outside interests. But if their dog, friends, boat or even their kids are in ALL their photos, it may tell you a little about where you’ll stand in the scheme of things.

Self-description: If the user name or headline is weird, overtly sexual or otherwise inappropriate — Bangyourdaddy, 69Reasons — you can stop there, says Trish McDermott, a founding team member of Also avoid people that disclose too much, whether it’s a recent staph infection, bankruptcy or bad breakup. And McDermott recommends steering clear of people who don’t have kids but use undue space in their profile soliciting information about the age and sex of your children.

Christan Marashio, founder of, adds that “it's normal for people to have some trouble crafting a profile and to use self-deprecating humor to lighten the mood. Too much humor is usually a sign that the person is insecure and uncomfortable with being vulnerable, which could lead to problems with emotional intimacy down the road. The humor is used to distract.”

Marital status: “separated”: This one isn’t necessarily a deal breaker. But Dan Neuharth, licensed marriage and family therapist, says “you need to find out just how separated he is. He may be legitimately finished with his marriage emotionally, but the paperwork isn't final. But many separated people are nowhere near done. They may be on a trial separation, seeking variety, or way too fresh from a bad relationship to date seriously.” And if the person is still talking about their ex, that’s a red flag.

What he/she’s looking for: Requiring too much or too little are both red flags. You’ll never live up to the laundry list. If the person really doesn’t care, they’re probably looking for a “date,” not a relationship, or he or she may be looking to scam you.

Neuharth also notes that while it’s common for men to want to date women younger than themselves, if there's too much of an age gap, it's a sign he’s probably not looking for an equal partner in the relationship.

Updated on 2/11/2014


Family and Parenting, Tips & How-Tos, Valentine's Day, Social Networking

Discussion loading

If the person is single,

From Mikw on February 09, 2012 :: 2:29 pm

If the person is single, what else would they put in their photos, but their dog, etc?

I take a LOT of photographs. I’ve sold numerous images. Does that make me self-absorbed?

What’s a “weird” user name?

Another one should be added:

When a woman says her children come first, over everything else. I can respect that choice and I do. However, to me, it means I am going to get stood up a lot; that when I am with someone they aren’t going to give me their undivided attention when we aren’t with her kids; and that a woman isn’t really interested in a relationship and is hiding behind her kids. When I’ve dated women with children, you can’t believe some of the things parents have called me. One had to be held back by other members of his family when he tried to assault me.

So, I don’t even read profiles that say, “ children will always come first.” I think kids are really cool, but I don’t need to be in a relationship where I will always com second.


I agree with MIKW.

From Michelle36 on February 09, 2012 :: 3:04 pm

I agree with MIKW.  Your mate has to come first.  Kids grow up and move on with their own lives.  I used to date a loser who “worshiped” his supposed ex.  All I heard was “Queenie” this, and “Queenie” that.  It drove me right out of the relationship.  I resented the fact that I was second to none.  Thank God I dumped the POS and now I’m dating a decent guy!


I do NOT agree.

From Eloriel on February 14, 2012 :: 1:16 pm

From a mother’s perspective, let me give you a reason why I would put my child over a man. This is by far not the only one, but it is the easiest to explain.

For one, my child has been in my life for, let’s say, two years. During those two years I was a single mother, or even an estranged mother. I’ve met you, and we go out on a couple of dates.
See, there is always the possibility of you dropping me for some reason or another, but that child? I carried them in my womb, and they need someone to raise them right. Not a woman who will go “Oh honey, mommy is so sorry your sick, but I’m still going to take you to your grandmother’s because “so-and-so” will be upset with me for ‘standing him/her up’.”

If you’re so arrogant as to think that you should be more important than any child, then you really have no business dating a mother.

Find a woman who is sterile, done with her childbearing, or doesn’t want kids. Don’t put mothers down because you are that much of a narcissist.


Chill Out!

From Michelle36 on February 14, 2012 :: 3:39 pm

Whoa!  Take it easy here, you need to grow up and quit with the immature insults.  I’m not saying a mother should put her child 2nd to any guy.  What I’m saying is when there is a committed healthy (non abusive) relationship, your mate is important too.  Like I said before, kids grow up and live their own lives.  Your mate is the one who will grow old with you (hopefully) and spend the rest of his life with you.  So chill out, other people have a right to their views too.


It was not directed at

From Eloriel on February 14, 2012 :: 3:50 pm

It was not directed at you, nor anywhere in there was there an “Immature insult”. That’s exactly what MIKW was complaining about…coming second to someone’s child, which is a very narcissistic trait.

I so agree with you!

From Jennifer Bauman on August 03, 2012 :: 2:33 pm

I agree with you 100%. If I had kids, I would NEVER put a man before my children!


It is not about a

From MT on February 12, 2019 :: 12:18 pm

It is not about a woman putting a man before her children. It is about putting the relationship, which hopefully will grow into a marriage before the children, or at least giving it equal status.  There is a difference between neglecting one’s children and making the primary relationship in a home between a mother and her children instead being between her and her mate. A couple that is unwilling to get a sitter for a few hours, so that they can be couple is a couple headed toward adultery and/or divorce court.  It is an uncontested fact that children thrive better in marriage-focused marriages than in child-focused marriages.  A strong marriage makes for a strong family that produces children with healthy emotional attachment.

Ladies, a lot of divorced men who are in the dating pool are the product of marriages where the woman shifted the primary relationship in the home to her children after they were born.  These men respect that children are important, but they “next” any women who writes “my children come first” in her profile because they have already experienced what is feels like to be a secondary relationship.  That is why they are divorced most of the time (most divorced men sure as heck are not going to endure that situation with another man’s children).  Sure, the divorce may be the result of an act of adultery committed by the husband, but that was more often than not just a case of a man attempting to obtain the connection has was not getting at home.  Not all men are philanders by nature.

Michelle36 is right with the "Whoa, chill out"

From rachybaby on April 27, 2014 :: 11:05 pm

You’ve misunderstood what MIKW was trying to say. What he was referring to was when someone goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to put that phrase, ‘my kids come first’, in a profile or write it during a conversation (how does that even come up in conversation???) there are HUGE issues there and the person reading it should run for dear life. HUGE red flag.

So there was no need for you to “counter” with “why I would put my child over a man” because he wasn’t arguing that point - you veered off into a completely different direction with your rant. You’re definitely projecting…which kinda proves MIKW’s point…

Of course it goes without saying that kids come first. I/we would hope so. So again, there’s no need to say it…unless…

Matter of fact, the only time it wouldn’t be a red flag is if it was said by some misguided man who thought women would be super duper impressed he wrote it so he could show everyone just how much he loves his kids—which is, again something we hope would be the case, lol. Actually, a man trying to impress women with something that should come naturally is a whole ‘nother kinda red flag…


Michelle36 is right with the "Whoa, chill out"

From rachybaby on April 28, 2014 :: 9:21 am

You’ve misunderstood what MIKW was trying to say. What he was referring to was when someone goes OUT OF THEIR WAY to put that phrase, ‘my kids come first’, in a profile or write it during a conversation (how does that even come up in conversation???) there are HUGE issues there and the person reading it should run for dear life. HUGE red flag.

So there was no need for you to “counter” with “why I would put my child over a man” because he wasn’t arguing that point - you veered off into a completely different direction with your rant. You’re definitely projecting…which kinda proves MIKW’s point…

Of course it goes without saying that kids come first. I/we would hope so. So again, there’s no need to say it…unless…

Matter of fact, the only time it wouldn’t be a red flag is if it was said by some misguided man who thought women would be super duper impressed because it showed ‘just how much’ he loves his kids…This, again, is something we hope would be the case, lol. Actually, a man trying to impress women with something that should come naturally is a whole ‘nother kinda red flag…


the Bible

From Annie on September 12, 2018 :: 7:29 pm

I’m finding all these comments very interesting because the Bible says you should put God first then your spouse then your children.

Now that’s in idealistic situation because if you don’t have a spouse obviously somebody your dating is not going to come before your children however if you always put your children’s needs first before your significant other assuming they have grown into that role I think that is an insult.

I agree with you.

From Teri on April 14, 2016 :: 4:22 am

Well put. Kids first.


I'd say its the other

From JP on August 08, 2016 :: 12:39 pm

I’d say its the other way around, actually.  If you expect someone to give you all the benefits of a relationship but expect them to tolerate being down on your list of priorities, you have no business dating, full stop.  And I have never heard anyone give themselves such pious, sanctimonious airs about motherhood who is anywhere near the precious, loving little saint of a mommy they’re so desperately trying to convince people they are.  Genuinely good, selfless mothers don’t talk the way you do.  Only narcissists who use their kids as a get out of jail free card for why others should put up with their lack of effort, and to promote their image of themselves as all-giving angels do that.


re: I do NOT agree

From SingleLady on September 29, 2016 :: 1:26 pm

I agree with much of what you say. In this day and age, one can’t be too careful. There are predators who do specifically target unwed mothers for especial attention because they’re looking to find someone who is emotionally vulnerable so that she’s so pre-occupied that they have easy access to kids to do what they really want to do to kids. Mothers NEED to be alert re: the man who may be a secret pedophile. Their children’s safety depends upon it! Absolutely. Single moms do not need extra drama in their lives and if the man is bringing the drama and forcing her to decide “it’s either me or the kids” then she is right to deep six that guy! My advice is that single moms should not date until their children are grown, but I realize not every feels they can do that. So in that case, one still needs to be very, very carefully and vet that guy BEFORE he even gets to meet the kids! If the guy is reluctant or seems “too eager” to meet the kids (like on the first date), that should be a red flag.


It's best you don't date.

From Jim Johnson on May 16, 2017 :: 6:51 pm

If you are divorced I can tell you why and if you can’t find any man I can tell you why. 
His parents were evil as well? Does this mean that your children’s’ spouses will be evil if they prefer their children over you?


I do not agree

From Richard Sieben on May 12, 2018 :: 2:31 pm

Children can be deal breakers too. If you cannot get rapport with the child; if the woman has sole custody with the child and does not allow access to his father… I’m out of here!


second fiddle

From jim on June 30, 2019 :: 2:22 pm

why should a guy play second fiddle to your kids? you want to put the second or third,  that is your choice. However, this is why any sane man of means would never date a single mother.


I Have News For You...

From Ron Davidson on February 22, 2012 :: 4:00 pm

If you enter into a relationship with a woman with Children…young or older children dosent matter…they will ALWAYS come first! The worse is *Teenage Girls*...unless of course you love spending every weekend at THE MALL!


re: If the person is single

From SingleLady on September 29, 2016 :: 1:12 pm

Every woman who is a single parent should be grateful you won’t date them. The LAST thing they need is another “child” especially one who is a legal chronological ‘adult’ who apparently is threatened by or jealous of chronologically aged children. Single moms have enough on their plate without having to appease some selfish jerk like you!


Well put.

From TERI on January 06, 2017 :: 2:27 am

Well put.


Reply to “If a woman says her kids come first”

From Franklin-Deschamps Joanie on February 11, 2018 :: 5:25 pm

I was a single Mom at different times with both of my children.  However, if you went by Scripture in the Bible, Jesus wants God to cime first, then, your Husband/mate, then, tour Children.  I think, however, when we are “single mom’s we not only have to be causious for our own safety, but for out children as well.  When entering the dating feild after divorce with children, the children should not be exposed to nee dates.  This is even taught in Mandetory Parenting Classes for Divorce with children.  In Co-parenting, a woman should discuss introducing their “joint children” to a new person, with the other parent.  Thst should go both ways.  Also, it should only take olace after dating that person for a period of time and thst it is getting serious.  During the dating, children’s care SHOULD.always come first in emrgencies etc.  But, if you mnow your children are safe, you should give full attention to the date.  DO cancel dates uf child is sick or don’t make plans when an umportant event in chikd life is at that time.  Once the date does meet the children and do not like them around, they AREN’t the one for U!  That is true also, if the date speaks poorly of children or like they are a nusence to them, they are NOT for U.  Never out a date/lover eho doesn’t want tour child in the “picture” before your children.


Omh i agree

From O on February 10, 2019 :: 1:18 am

I agree with youbto the fullest. I too am a mother of 3 and no lie i always say my kids come first but i know how to balance attention for my kids and my man. I had an ex who was like this. It is sooo freakin annoying. Like you want a relationship with me but I’m always being put second and being left out and My kids. I couldn’t deal anymore i quit that relationship.


age ratio

From Rich Moser on February 09, 2012 :: 3:30 pm

This is good, but I do disagree with the one about older men looking for younger women. I don’t think it has to do with “equality” in the relationship, unless you mean age equality. There is nothing wrong with an older man dating a younger woman in general, or vice versa. It is quite normal in our society. A sense of equality comes from one’s attitude, and you’ve got to ask questions and get to know someone before that becomes clear.


What About This?

From Ron Davidson on February 22, 2012 :: 3:54 pm

When she waits 7 weeks to tell you “i am a illegal immigrant and so are 2 of my 3 children”?


Probably not!

From Jedi on December 30, 2016 :: 2:32 pm

Hahahahahaha! Yeah, don’t date her. That is definitely a huge red flag! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahah!  X’D


another dealbreaker...

From Scott on August 05, 2012 :: 11:07 am

Here’s another dealbreaker for you with reference to online dating…or ANY dating for that matter, gentlemen.  Height.  If you are under 5’9”, you are D-E-A-D in the water, period.  Oh, you may have those RARE occasions where a really nice, cute, funny, smart, attractive woman turns up who happens to be petite (five feet tall or less), but this is VERY rare.  Attractive, desireable single women 5’1” and over in most cases will NOT even consider you if you are 5’7” or less, and in most cases 5’8” in borderline.  Ideal is 5’11” and above.  Sorry, this isn’t my idea.  The heart wants what it wants, and no one can choose what attributes attract them.  But adequate height on a man sure does.  Don’t believe me?  Look on Match and see for yourself; I’ve had my membership on there since June 20th.  This height issue is so common, it’s not even funny anymore.  Game over. hmmm


Scott, are you working for

From Rich Moser on August 05, 2012 :: 12:41 pm

Scott, are you working for the other side now? It sounds like you’re trying to discourage other men. Why do I think you’re under 5-9 yourself? But truly, the only broken deals are in the hearts of the closed-minded. If we believe what you wrote, we should just kill all men under 5-9, game over. Anyone so stuck on height is not playing with a full deck. Women who are so fixated on height are going to get more than they bargained for and that’s how we learn and grow I guess.


inclined to agree

From Scott on August 06, 2012 :: 12:37 pm

Rich, you are preaching to the choir here.  But have you BEEN on lately?  I’ve been working that damn thing for months, with paid membership (and sending messages as a result) since June 20th.  And what do I get for all the outreach?  Five-nine, five-nine, five-eleven, six foot.  Once in a GREAT while an attractive, interesting woman of 5’5” may come around and agree to talk to a guy of 5’7” (and you are right, I am only 5’7” and it’s KILLING me!)  But that is very, very rare.  Trust me, I’m in the trenches, and I KNOW what I’m talking about.  As for what to do, we have a few options.  1) give up on love and just live your own life without the companionship of a woman), or 2) lower YOUR standards to the point that you are willing to date and sleep with someone who is HIDEOUSLY ugly.  I’m sure such a woman is very kind, compassionate, and may even try hard in bed.  But if you’re not turned on by her (ugly, fat, manly-looking, etc), then you’re at a dead end anyway. 
Which brings us back to my original option…GIVE UP!


I agree with you Scott im in the same boat

From Guystafo on August 14, 2012 :: 1:09 am

I tried hard for a year on eharmony and match, i’ve had 0 results with matches whom we shared many things in common but my height ended up being their deciding factor at the end some said they like wearing heels and don’t want to stand teller then the man they date.

You guys think you have

From Mike on January 24, 2015 :: 8:05 am

You guys think you have it bad? You should try out 5’5.. At this height confidence won’t get you anywhere. I’d kill to be 5’7.

Short guy getting dates and responses

From Tim on August 01, 2015 :: 1:52 pm

Scott, I feel your pain. I am 5’6” and put that in my profile. I have had much rejection on line, and my knee jerk response was “they are discriminating against me cuz I am short!”. Well, I powered thru it, kept at it, been doing it for about 6 months (since the beginning of the year when I decided to make a really effort to actually find a serious mate). I did (and continued to do lots of research on what it takes to succeed, and also got some comments from friends (one avg guy who is a musician like me said he looked on line for I think he said 7 years (!) before he found the woman he is now with and I beleive living with. He’s not a bad loooking guy too. I began to realize we all have our pros and cons, and began to look it as a numbers game. I also realized that different sites have different personalities. Match women (based on my experience) are the worst for discriminating against short guys. THere Ive seen numerous women who were 5’0 or 5’1 stating their minimum ht requirement as 5 10 or 6’.My response rate was zero after emailing about 50.Other sites have different personalities. POF is much more friendly, and low key. OK Cupid seems a bit more like a hook up site, but also not bad for finding dates. I am now only on eharmony, and I reach out to all women that look like I could tolerate them at first glance. Its a numbers game. Ive reached out to over 1000 women, and at first I got few responses. Then I started researching what works and what doesnt work on online dating. I read a lot of articles. I showed my profile to my nephew and he helped me improve my photo selection. I also made sure to hightlite the key words that get the most responses. I didnt lie, I just did what everybody does in person on a first date, show myself in the best light. I also have few restrictions on ethnicity. I happen to be equally attracted to African-American women, Asian women, white women, etc, as long as they cute. African American women have their own long odds based on what I have read, so my odds are better that they will respond. I would have no problem marrying a beautiful black woman if she was my soulmate and I fell in love with her. Basically, I didnt give up and put ALOT of time into it, improving my odds, and now I am getting responses, talking to women on the phone, meeting my first woman met online this weekend, I am excited, she is REALLY cute and we share a lot of similar interests. Cant wait. So, Scott, my advice to you is accept what you cannot change, dont be bitter, do what you can to maximize your odds, work on yourself to be the best you can be, and eventually you’ll find love. I believe that is true.

Not every woman feels that

From Jennifer Bauman on August 06, 2012 :: 5:48 pm

Not every woman feels that way Scott. I would have no problem dating a shorter guy. And I really dont think it’s rare that a woman would date a guy under 5’9.


rare gem

From Scott on August 06, 2012 :: 9:24 pm

That’s nice of you to say, Jennifer Bauman.  You are obviously a rare and deep woman, but sadly, most of your sisters feel differently.  They want that tall, dark, ‘n handsome.


I agree about Height

From TAG on August 06, 2012 :: 11:06 pm

I’m a 43yr old male with a great job.  On every dating site I’ve been to its the same.  I hide the fact that I’m 5’2”.  The minute a woman takes an interest in me & we start talking back & forth, she disappears rather quickly when she discovers I’m “short”. Meanwhile, they’re describing themselves as “BBW” or “has kids”. 

My all-time favs: Overweight women, middle aged, with kids wanting a guy over 6’ tall with a Harley Davidson cycle.  Must be the female version of the midlife crisis.



From Scott on August 07, 2012 :: 10:29 pm

Tag, I’m not surprised they pull a vanishing act when they discover you are short.  Sadly, short men to them holds an equivalence to fat women to us.  I’m not saying WE as men are rigth to run the other way from chubby ladies, I’m just saying this is a real factor, and no one can consciously decide what features they are attracted to.


Christ on a cracker

From KD on March 26, 2018 :: 4:17 pm

“Shallow bitches hate me because I’m short but also, I hate fat women. Only men are allowwd to have preferences for physical attributes!”



From Annie on September 12, 2018 :: 7:30 pm

Get off the dating sites and let people meet you IN PERSON.


not true

From SE on December 31, 2013 :: 2:07 pm

This is totally untrue. I’m around 5’3 and I’ve dated guys 5’7 and shorter. Last one I was with claimed to be 5’6, but he seemed more like 5’4. And I’d date a short guy again. I’d even date a guy shorter than me, if I was attracted to his other physical features and he treated me right.


Short is a better fit in bed

From TERI on August 08, 2016 :: 10:25 pm

I’m an Alpha woman…..yes, with the ego to match smile
My best, best, best sexual relationship was with a guy who is 5’7”. I’m 5’4” but I usually prefer taller men (over 5’11”) to look at, but in the cot the smaller man provides a better experience.


not my experience

From Another Scott on April 19, 2017 :: 9:35 am

I’m 5’7” and right now i’m talking to like 6 different women from different apps like bumble, pof and tinder and they seem to have no problem with it. maybe its cuz i’m good looking and in shape. yea you’re not really gonna get the girls like 5’8” and up for the most part, although one of the women i’m talking to is 5’9”...but don’t let it get to u if you’re short like me.  Then again i’ve never had a problem getting women even irl and not online dating


Another deal breaker

From Richard S on July 03, 2019 :: 9:50 am was a big disappointment to me. Lots of fake profiles. Lots of selfish women. Lots of scammers. I have had enough of! Tried Elite singles and found my soulmate in four weeks!


Short Man Complex there Scott?

From Tango on August 06, 2012 :: 7:58 am

I’m short (5’6”) and I date a LOT of “Amazon Size Women”(5’10” and taller). I love ‘em! If they SHOULD have an issue with my shortness I tell them I’m a “superglue guy” - all she has to do is superglue a glove to the small of my back, put her hand in it and use me for a “sex toy” if nothing else ... humor can defuse most anything!


trying humor...

From Scott on August 06, 2012 :: 12:42 pm

Tango, I’m trying humor.  I write and tell them that I’m willing to put on rollerblades to increase my height, and keep them on!  I wonder how it might work wearing roller blades to bed during a sex session?  Hmm…anyway, I’ll keep at it.


Short Men Need Not Apply

From Amy on August 06, 2012 :: 11:47 am

Sorry Tango, I’m 5’9” and unless I already know you, I won’t even take a chance on going out with someone shorter than I am.


common attitude..

From Scott on August 06, 2012 :: 12:41 pm

Amy, your feelings about height are perfectly normal, even though they are at least very inconvenient for short men (which I now define as ANYTHING under 5’9”).  I want you to know that I don’t blame you, or any other woman for feeling that way.  You can’t control who you are attracted to; the heart wants what it wants, and there are only so many triggers out there to get your hormones flowing.  If height is it, then height is it…there’s NOTHING you can do about it, nor can any man.  I just HATE HATE HATE that I’m a short, puny worthless husk of a man with nothing to offer, that’s all.


Amy, what on Earth do

From Rich Moser on August 06, 2012 :: 1:14 pm

Amy, what on Earth do you mean by “take a chance?” Do you mean there is some chance that a shorter man might just conceivably be the man of your dreams? When you are able to let go of your preconceptions and embrace reality, then and only then will you get your wishes fulfilled. BTW, 5’8” is about average. Which means that about half of men are that tall or shorter than that. It’s great that you feel so deserving of the best, but you’re eliminating half of the choices arbitrarily!


shortness inconvenient, not deal breaker

From Marc on August 06, 2012 :: 12:15 pm

Scott, being short isn’t the deal breaker you think it is. Yes it is certainly a factor that women use, just like men use weight and other physical features of a woman to gauge attractiveness. Yes if you are short there are women who will just never date you. I know this from personal experience at 5’7” (rounding up). But there are indeed plenty of people for whom one physical shortcoming is not a deal breaker - quality people evaluate each other on “the whole package”. I met the love of my life online 6 years ago and we’ve been together ever since. She’s only 4’10” and calls me her “giant”. grin And my dating life before that was fine, sure I had challenges like everyone else but I had my share of successes too. So be patient, work on those things you can control and good things will eventually come your way.


Another alternative

From Josh Kirschner on August 07, 2012 :: 8:35 am

For those not finding success on or other traditional dating sites, we published an article recently on alternative dating sites that may be a better “match” for you.



Height isn't everything

From Cynthia Roberson Armistead on August 07, 2012 :: 4:41 pm

Scott, I’m 5’7” and one of the sexiest guys I’ve ever dated was 5’6”. I’m automatically attracted to big, tall guys, but he got my attention and held it. So don’t give up - decent women aren’t going to filter you out based solely on height.

Of course, as many men filter women out based on weight as there are women filtering on height, so I suppose it’s “fair” in a twisted sense that leaves a lot of people lonely.


Only large height differences matter

From Tom - Tampa on August 27, 2012 :: 12:54 pm

I’m a recently divorced, about 6 months, mid fifties guy kind of talkative and witty.  I am just under 5’9” and including my ex of 12 years, my average partner has been usually a little taller than I am.  My ex was 5’11” and in heels you can do the math. 

One thing, I rarely meet woman thru online dating.  So maybe the old “meeting in person” thing offsets the need for a woman to have a man taller then they are.  Truthfully a good woman wants a dependable man who they can count on.  In general I radiate confidence, which is not easily done via online dating without sounding self-absorbed.

It may also be the way I carry myself and I am built on the more in shape side of things.  Not meek or weak.  I don’t know.



Woman putting their children first...

From TOM - TAMPA on August 27, 2012 :: 1:08 pm

As father and step-father I have raised two girls, a step-daughter now 20, my own daughter of 14 and over the years have dated a few woman who had kids.

From the mom’s point of view, since I am not the children’s father, and until proven otherwise, just a transient in her life, then I agree strongly with a women who put their children first.

Of course there has to be balance, but if I truly want this woman in my life, then my place will always be a healthy second to her children. As others have stated, at some time the children will grow and build there own lives. 

A relationship with a mom & kids should be about building a family, a partnership, and life together. The guy is the outsider and may always be for a very long time.  So it will take more patients then dating a woman with no kids.



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